so i had frozen lasagna. i heated it up and as i was taking it out i dropped it for some reason! it fell on my leg and onto the carpet. so now there is melted cheese on my pants and the carpet.... at the same time i burned my toast to a crisp. my co-worker stood there and laughed his ass off at me. i work at a job that is 16 hrs long and i can sleep.... so with cheese on my pants i tried to get it off. i used hot water to have it only melt deeper in... then used cold which turned the cheese rock hard to the point where i cant scrape it off.... i am not going to crawl into bed with cheese all over me so i wrapped paper towel around my thigh and held it in place with an elastic band. the office stunk like burnt cheese and im worried that it will mold so i sprayed lysol and febreeze to get rid of the smell. the burnt smell went away... but the air of lysol with morning fresh febreeze and CHEESE still lingers.

i feel like a welfare war vet.

why do things like these happen to me.

i've decided to not feel guilty for not blogging on a daily basis.
okay now that that's done with lets move on.

boyfriend has moved in with me until my mother gets back from vacation. and you really do learn about the little things that your mate does that really drives you up the wall. nevertheless i still love him and hey i guess i gotta tell him what i cant stand so he cant actually stop doing it. i like it when i come home from work and on the kitchen table there is a little handwritten note for me. its really... sweet.

school's almost done. i have to search for a part time job now. well an additional one. *sigh* i have to go to some ad agencies and see what i need to learn in school in order to get a position with them. my dream company? critical mass. its beyond a dream.. its what i call a "sigh" you know... its a concept thats so far beyond a dream that its only a sigh. yah that doesnt make sense

my best friend is breaking my heart. he's so different now. i dont even know what to say to him anymore.

been feeling a little crafty. thats about it.

i hate living in this city. i feel a little more demoralized everyday. i get a little more jaded.

i find that every little thing lately has really been rubbing me the wrong way. currently its "non-wavers" that irk me. you say hi or you wave and they give you that half-assed nod. or when you SLOW down to let them in your lane and not only do they not wave (and why should they? they have no need to thank you) but they go soooo slow and you can see the gap from them and the car that you use to be behind widening... and evenually you cant even see the car u were once behind since there are not about 6 new cars in between.

i think tim horton's idea of these roll up the rim cups suck. i use to work at a timmy's. even those who drink from a ceramic mug get an empty cup to roll. so i see these little red cups floating around everywhere. our city looks like a giant trailor park. they ought to invest in scratch cards or something

my quest for a swear-free and smoke-free life is still non-existant. the more i swear the more i smoke because i am dissapointed in myself. the less i smoke the more i swear. im begining to think that there is a link. i need to stop smoking. stop smoking.

i never take my own advice.

i have this girlfriend. i love her. a lot. when i had a crappy boyfriend she was always there for me. honestly i spent more time with her then my actual boyfriend at the time. i basically "dated" her for a year. we spent 10 months being closer than any friend i've had since ive moved up here. clubbing brought us together. we had a set schedule of clubbing - min 3 times a week. then things changed. i grew tired of pop culture, slutty hoes that were younger than me, dirty men that tried to pick us up. so i stopped. since then things havent been the same

she has this pull on me. her other friend and i agreed. she has a knack to guilt trip you so horribly you end up doing what you dont want to. finally the calls dwindled since i stopped clubbing.

so. my godsis's bday is on the 11th. hers is on the 12th. ive been informed that if i dont go to her party i cant be her friend anymore. i've been busy. i study all the time and i spend free time with the boyfriend. a little more than i should i admit, but my friends understand. anyways im screwed. i have to go out of town for godsis' bday. be back in town next day to go to hers. im pretty angry. my godsis understands so SHE is ARRANGING her bday around so i can make it to both.

why do i bother?? i shouldnt. and i know that. but honestly i dont seem to keep gf's. its like i dont understand girl nature. i grow up, and therefore grow apart from them. ive lost 4 bestfriends. its like... my interests change and they dont understand and take it on a personal stance.

is it me? am i the one that pushes them away? i lost one when i stopped drinking and doing drugs. lost one because i cant tolerate promiscuity. and almost losing this one simply because i stopped clubbing. i feel that im growing up. i feel that these reasons are just because they are based on morals.

since i moved it feels like i belong no where when it comes to girls. lost touch with girls from my past. the girls now... they have this thing with "roots". went to elementary together... some long ass past together. i have nothing from the past with anyone. i have nothing but ex boyfriends. and ex friends.

my guy friends. they stick with me and stick by me. i havent had a "boys" night out since i've been dating boyfriend and they understand. and they respect that. and they respect me for chosing my studies, family and boyfriend over them

but as every girl knows.... there is something that just being a girl, that keeps them wanting to keep one last girlfriend. i have girlfriends at school. they have the same morals as me. but we're not close and i dont know if we can become close. it seems difficult to become bestfriends at this age....

it is me? am i going crazy? am i snobby? shouldnt i accept friends that have different lifestyles than i do? shouldnt my friends accept me for being a serious dater?

when it comes to girls in my life... its as bad as the acne boy in highschool who sat alone. god. i was even friends with "those kind of boys" because they have good hearts and brilliant minds.

i dont know what the hell is wrong with me. when i first started dating boyfriend we use to be in bed all the time having the time of our lives. no complaints. and i just realized 2 weeks ago that we've been together for 10 months already. hm. usually when it comes to relationships i consider anything under 10 months a short relationship. well yes, we have pretty much spent everyday together, aside from the nights i work. and ive noticed that we barely have sex. ok im lying. its me that barely has sex.

k that sounds effed up.

he initiates it. im glad he still finds me desireable. i just never seem to be in the mood anymore. sometimes occasionally i frisk him. but i enjoy just spending the night in bed watching tv together. or cooking in the kitchen and such. i find these things we do as a couple more satisfying than actual sex. it went from twice a day to twice a month.

is it normal to be 21 and have a dropped sex drive? what should i do? pills scare me. i feel so sad.

anyways i woke up the other day and looked over at the boyfriend. we both still live at home with parents but i realized that i had a roommate. he spent the last 5 nights here. tonight he is staying at home. its kinda nice to have alone time. today i took a milk bath. but he has everything here. its weird......

i've suddenly realized a lot of things. ive realized that i really miss me. where have i been this whole time?

there is nothing more terrifying than being fully awake when you are getting all 4 wisdom teeth pulled. my dentist held nothing back. i had 40 shots of local anesthesia. i was frozen up to my eyebrows and it looked like i just had botox. so im allergic to codine and i cant have any of those wonderful T3's. they gave me some other crap. crap that doesnt work!!!! i swear to god they're plecebo.

i think im going to make a conscious effort to not make this a blog of obsessive hatred. its hard. im so use to venting. this weekend was a good time to vent anyhow. but u know things happen and you either overcome them or just find an easy way out. but it will NEVER happen again

there is nothing better than having your class look at you absurdly as you eat a pint of haagen dazs icecream for breakfast at 8am. but then my "drugs" made me pass out in the middle of class and i began to snore. yah its classy. i know it. called it an early day and went home.

188 Questions

1. What brand of toothpaste? colgate. i hate it.
2. Shampoo Conditioner in one or separate? Separate
3. What Brands? w/e's in the i use dove
4. Do spiders scare you? only the huge ones
5. Do you roll your socks or pull them up? mine are all ankle socks
6. What is your favorite comic (like in the paper!)? baby blues
7. Do you know Donald Duck's middle name? i dont think he has one
8. Favorite colour? orange!!!
9. Summer footwear: sandals or nothing? flip flops
10. Apples, oranges, or bananas? apples. oranges raise my blood pressure and nana's are effing gross
11. Lefty or righty? left
12. Glass is half-empty or half-full? about half way
13. Bleh or blah? Bleh
14. What do you like about yourself? i like my left eyelid
15. Would you ever wear Taz boxers? i dispise looney tunes
16. Do you sing in the shower? not really
17. Do you talk to your pet? oh yes i love my boobaloo
18. Do you talk to yourself? yes
19. Do you have a secret crush on your dentist? my dentist is satan who is drill happy
20. Do you know your mailman/woman's name? virginia
21. Do you give your mailman/woman a gift on Xmas? no, we're lame
22. Do you have 11 toes? i have 11 something else :D
23. What is the lamest pick up line you've ever used? "hey your socks are having a party. call your pants on down"
24. Would you ever buy/use a pink pen? yah
25. Would you ever buy ANYTHING pink? sure i enjoy bright colors
26. Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny? bugs neither. LT pisses me off and mickey sounds like minnie
27. Do you think Daffy Duck is hot? who wrote these questions? they suck
28. Would you ever recite poetry to a girl? nah
29. What color nail polish/lipstick would you wear? i wear orange lipstick
30. Do you bite your lip when you're nervous? i bite my nail. without tearing
31. Would you skip school if you had a huge zit between your eyes on picture day? im not that vain
32. Did you ever eat crayons when you were little? no. thats sick.
33. How do you take mascara off? eye make up remover
34. Would a girl wearing blue/green mascara turn you on? hm. well as a lady i would never
35. What is your favorite holiday? halloween
36. Would you ever wear lip gloss? every day
37. What's better: gummi sweettarts or sweettart gum? there are gummi ones?
38. M&MS or Skittles? M&MS!!! chocolate.............
39. Do you go to public places with your mom, and actually TALK to her? i love my mom. we have shopping dates
40. What is 1+1? gaylord.
41. Pick one: RuPaul or Dennis Rodman: RUPAUL!!!
42. How old are you? 21
43. How old do you WANT to be? no pref
44. Where do you live? canada
45. Where do you want to go? singapore
46. Who do you want to meet? johnny depp <3
47. Do you like Kool-Aid? i like blue juice
48. Does pine-sol smell good? thats effing gross
49. What are your favorite pizza toppings? um... mushrooms?
50. Do you like toast? love it with butter or peanut butter
51. Do you still carve pumpkins? no the smell makes me gag all over the kitchen
52. Do you still leave cookies & milk out for Santa? last year i left beer and nuts
53. Have you lost all your (baby) teeth? yes
54. Have your wisdom teeth seen light yet? yah they were torn from my yesterday
55. Clear or colored? what is this reffering to?
56. When your dentist asked, what flavor fluoride did you pick? they all taste like ass
57. Where is your hand right NOW? keyboard
58. What is better: your right ear or left pinky? left pinky?
59. Okay or O'tay? okay
60. French poodle or french kiss? kiss. not the dog tho.
61. Are 2 x 4s really 2 inches by 4 inches? yes
62. Do you have a 2 x 4 or a 1 x 2? i hate these questions...
63. Do you know your parents' birthdays/ages? yes, you dont want to forget MY mom's bday
64. Do you know your siblings birthdays/ages? yah brother and i are close
65. Does your grandma tell you she is 29? i always told her she was 29 :)
66. Have you ever used colored white-out? is there such thing
67. What do you think of Smurfette? only lady in a town of men. y'all know what im trying to say
68. What is your favorite book? nanny confessions
69. How does a cabin far, far away, with a fire, candles, and the one you love sound? great
70. Salmon or Cod? neither
71. Crab or Lobster? crab
72. What sounds better: up or down? up
73. What sounds better: sideways or sidewards? sidewards. sounds like a badass robot
74. Ok, NOW where is your hand? im begining to think you're wanting me to put it somewhere
75. Describe the best day of your life. the weekend boyfriend took me to vancouver
76. Broom or mop? you oughtta see me work my magic with a broom
77. What is your favorite word? LAME
78. Free! Don't have to answer this since there is no question. free spot! BINGO!!
79. What is your full name? that angry midget
80. What do you wish your name was? im fine with my real name
81. Describe your most embarrassing moment. i fell down the stairs in the university and a handicapped kid fell down trying to give me my notes that were scattered and then i cried because she didnt deserve to fall
82. What is the weirdest middle name you've ever heard? c-men HAHA
83. Are your feet the same size? yes i think so
84. Cassettes or CDs? CDs
85. Is watching "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" a tradition in your home? no
86. What are your Christmas traditions? huge family dinners with turkey and sushi
87. How do you open your envelopes: tear or cut? tear
88. Are you bored? kinda
89. Do you like onions? sometimes
90. What would you name your band, if you had one? SOCK LINT
91. Have you ever worn a dress? i like them
92. Did you know that if you talk into a vent, someone in a nearby room will hear you? yes
93. Frogs or toads? they are nasty
94. Do you believe in making a wish at 11:11? no.
95. 8 or 3? 3
96. How long can you hula-hoop for? long times
97. Did you know Dave is AWESOME? sure
98. Do you love me now? WHO THINKS OF THESE QUESTIONS?
99. On your last birthday, what did you wish for? for someone to get the eff out of my life
100. Do you know all the words to the National Anthem? yah canada's pretty easy
101. Is watching the Superbowl a party in your house? no were hockey fans
102. Are you going to name your son Elvis? i guess its better than jesus, bacon or potsdam
103. If not, what? silve
104. What about your daughter? rhonda, bacon
105. Do you read tabloids? i read fake papers, not the celeb gossip ones
106. If I give you a piece of paper, what are the odds of you not eating it? gosh i dont know...
107. Do you like cotton candy? no
108. Favorite food? salty things
109. What would be the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? buy my mom a car
110. Ribbed or plain? eww
111. "Lala" or "Skittle de bop du wop"? YAR?
112. Apple pie or cherry pie? apple pie
113. Pepsi or Coke? pepsi, flat please
114. Strawberry or Vanilla? vanilla
115. Favourite movie? i dont think i have any
116. Favourite Actor? mr. depp mmmm
117. Favourite Actress? no young ones. they're tarts
118. Cheerios or corn flakes? cheerios
119. Panty hose or thigh-highs? thigh highs
120. Do you shave your legs? yes
121. Midnight or mid-day? midnight, my afternoon naps throw me off
122. Hope or Billy? who are these people?
123. Cottonball or Q-tip? Q-tip
124. Dry or lubricated? ewww....
125. Fast or slow? whatever the mood strikes me
126. Hard or soft? i hope young kids dont fill this survey out
127. Yogurt or ice-cream? yogurt sounds gross.
128. Spoon or fork? SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
129. Are you crying right now? no
130. Tootsie pops or blowpops? im not a candy fan
131. Look at your middle finger, on your right hand, what do you see? my finger?
132. Look to your left, what do you see? my bookcase
133. Look to your right, what do you see? mark. we sit in bed and play on our laptops
134. Who is at your house right now? the daily usuals, mom and mark
135. Are your legs crossed right now? why yes
136. Do a few twirls, are you dizzy now? I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO WROTE THESE QUESTIONS
137. Favorite song? blue rodeo - falling down blue
138. Boxers or briefs? Boxers
139. Big Red, Juicy Fruit, or Doublemint? i guess the mint one
140. Do you like to fish? i think its cruel
141. Is your grandpa cool? ive never met a grandpa before
142. Does your grandpa bore you with long stories? n/a
143. Do you snore? i snore, kick, hit, talk and i even bitch at boyfriend while asleep
144. Describe how your breath smells right now. prob gross... teeth out remember?
145. If you were a girl, would you rather be "Matilda" or "Alexis." matilda. i want to be a twit
146. Does it taste good? no....
147. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge? sponge. that glue WILL kill you
148. Do you chew on pens/pencils? if there is a pen clip on the side, i chew on that
149. Acting class or class act? class act
150. Upside-down or downside-up? crooked
151. What's up? not much
152. What does "GROWL TIGER" make you think of? my cat
153. What does this -> .dm,'fglkserhngjkqb; make you think of? this is lame
154. Blondes or brunettes? i think all blondes are tarts
155. Push or pull? push
156. If a door says pull, do you automatically push? yes
157. Do you even read those door things? yes
158. What does? IT
159. Did you know I was scared of FROGS when I was a baby? WHO WROTE THIS
160. What was your first word? potty?
161. what was your first phrase? i dont know
162. What can you not pronounce? condo minnimum or something
163. Did you know my phone just rang? lame so lame
164. Is your phone ringing? No.
165. What's your phone number? get-bent
166. Do you eat your toe-nails? no.. this is sick
167. WalMart or Kmart? walmart
168. Jim Carrey or Mariah Carey? Jim Carrey
169. How many REAL push-ups can you do? maybe 5
170. How many fake push-ups can you do? prob the same
171. Go run a mile. You have ten minutes. Are you tired now? who the hell would do this
172. Does your bike have 2 wheels? i do not have a bike
173. Are they flat? yes
174. Can you do a hand-stand? yes
175. Front or back? front
176. Walk backwards for 5 steps. what?
177. Are you on fire right now? oh yes
178. Sprite or 7-up? 7up
179. Mug RootBeer or Dr. Pepper? rootbeer
180. Bambi or Thumper? bambi
181. Do you think Flower is hot? lame
182. If I told you to jump off a bridge, would you? nah im scared of heights
183. Would you lick Prince's feet for $5? who is prince
184. Do you know there are people who would do that for free? yah lamers
185. Umm, can you count how many questions are left? my mom says im smart
186. Is your left pinky right-handed? no...
187. 5+7+8-1234569%555x3=? -16.05
188. If you had 5 dollars, went to the store to buy 1 apple for 50 cents, but they were out, how many apples would you have? none

i got all my freakin wisdom teeth pulled. not swollen which is nice... no blood anymore.. just sore and soooo hungry. been awake since 6am and there is nothing else to do so i'll post a survey.

l. What time did you get up this morning?
5:55AM. this thing called "morning" is bullshit.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
always diamonds.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
im lazy. last movie was either collateral or saw.


4. What is your favourite TV show?
anything crime, adult cartoons (family guy ect)

5. What did you have for breakfast?
i usually get fast food hashbrowns and if themood strikes me, i get a sausage burger of some sort

6. What is your middle name?
see wing. dead serious

7. What is your favourite cuisine?  
i love spider rolls.

8. What foods do you dislike?
omg dont get me started.. pancakes, ketchup, BANANAS, oranges that are dry and pulpy (they make my heart race), cilantro or parsely, gummi worms, not digging bacon anymore, raw sushi. this list can go on forever but i'll stop it here

9. What is your favourite chip flavour?
plain regular ripple, dill pickle, jalapeno, plain nacho is good with me too

10. What is your favourite CD at the moment?
i quite enjoy green day's new cd. none of this hip hop stuff in my life (who is k-os?)

11. What kind of car do you drive?  
white sunfire. she's not hot... but damn can she ever take a beating

12. Favourite sandwich?
egg salad hands down.

13. What characteristics do you despise?
people who are rascist. and players. and pop culture

14. Favourite item of clothing?
i love this one pair of light blue jeans. they make my bum perky

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would
you go?  
cayman islands

16. What colour is your bathroom?
light grey/lavender

17. What colour pants are you wearing?
black yoga pants

18. Where would you retire to?
singapore or malaysia

19. Favourite time of the day?
nap time after school

20. What was your most memorable birthday?
probably when mark took me to vancouver for a few days

21. Where were you born?
lethbridge. shut the eff up... i can drive a tractor. word.

22. What's the last thing you ate?
i can only eat soup :( but in a few days, mashed potatas here i come..

23. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
orange

24. Favourite flower?
stargaze lillies

25. What fabric detergent do you use?
i think its gain.

26. Coke or Pepsi?
flat diet pepsi.

27. Do you wish on stars?
nah.

28. What is your shoe size?
kids size 2. women's 3 but i usually buy ladies 5.

29. Do you have any pets?
i have a bunny named rhubarb and a flame point siamese called riku

30. Last person you talked to on the phone?
carol

31. What did you want to be when you were little?
a professional nintendo player. just kidding that was my brother's dream. i wanted to be an architect

32. What are you meant to be doing now?
graphic design

33. What do you first notice about someone?
shoes.

34. Siblings?
older brother

35. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
i would always buy those craft kits from sandy lion or something

36. Summer or WINTER?
summer time. ppl who like winter pisses me off.

37. HUGS OR KISSES?
i like hugs.

38. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
vanilla

39. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
someone on the net will rip this off the site

40. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
my boyfriend. of course.

41. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS?
live with my mumma in a huge house.

42. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
yesterday when i was getting my teeth out. dentist drilled right INTO a nerve and i bawled.

43. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
my boxspring

44. IN HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU VISITED?
3 i think?

45. IN HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED?
lethbridge and calgary

46. FAVOURITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME?
the thomas crown affair

47. MOUNTAINS OR BEACH?
id say beach. i like to be warm. tanning is nice but i dont know how to swim

48. THE CURRENT FRIEND YOU'VE KNOWN THE LONGEST?
carol. long distance friends for 13 yrs

49. FULL NAMES OF YOUR KIDS?
i never tell anyone what i'd name my kids

50. USUAL BEDTIME?
latest 2am. usually around 1 or 10.. yah im lame

i guess i can never live without a blog. every year i start a new one... i have numerous hidden ones but those are never proper for anyone to read. i havent really blogged anything on my previous site. it's about to expire and i feel that its tainted anyways. so here i am again... with a new year to go thru my writing therapy, and an outlet for my anger

i was talking to someone today and we had the habit of finishing each other's sentence which begun "im always...." and she said "...angry." i guess its true. i am always angry. i feel like i never get closure. so... a little over due but here they are

Resolutions for 2005:
1) maintain my 4.0 gpa until the end of the year and getting at least one scholarship.
2) go on one "spur-of-the-moment" vacation
3) take more photographs of those i love and to develop them
4) unleash my inner geek and reach lvl 60+ in world of warcraft.
5) learn to cook. real food. anything... i screw up frozen corn.
6) to stop biting my tongue. either let it out or let it go.

if i think of more i will add.... but for now.... i want things that are within my reach.